I am a spiritual energetic healer and counselor, 47 years old and primarily of the Indigo Ray.
I have always had spontaneous esoteric phenomena occur around me, experienced visions, anomalous animal behavior, uncanny protection from dangerous and life-threatening situations, and prescient dreams.
I suppressed most of this awareness until my middle 30's, mostly out of fear. I was imprinted very early in this life to believe I had no power and had to accept whatever circumstances my social milieu, parents and institutional authorities imposed upon me.
I lived with a duality of timidity and rage until recently, when I began the work of peeling away the layers of conditioning that have kept me from standing my ground, speaking my truth and acting from what I know to be right from within. Having been born in Italy and brought to the Midwestern US at the age of two, I started out being different in my milieu. As I learned to speak English and was sent to catholic school for kindergarten, I garnered much abuse by the nuns for disobeying their orders. Much of the time, it was because I still did not understand English that well.
As I was a "hyper" child, my parents who were both working, couldn't handle me at home and sent me off to a catholic boarding school for first grade. More mental, emotional and physical abuse by nuns. I had a better grasp of English by this time, but now I pretended not to understand, in order to get out of direct orders and paying attention to their mind-numbing, frightening religious lectures during class (this does not mean I was not affected, to this day, I still call myself a recovering catholic).
By the end of the first grade, the nuns informed my parents that I was not welcome back the next year. Fortunately, the local University where my mother worked in scientific research had an experimental school starting in the elementary grades, where I did not have to wear a uniform, I could even wear pants if I wanted. I saw this as an extreme stroke of good luck, especially in the early 60's. I was very tomboyish (I liked to explore, climb trees etc., and build things in the dirt) and detested the restriction of dresses and skirts.
Elementary school at the University went well, I got excellent grades. Educators made us guinea pigs with new teaching techniques - the only one which backfired badly was The New Math. When they tried to teach us this non-basic form of math in 6th grade, my interest in academia began to plummet.
As puberty ascended, I started to stand out as different again. Kids were beginning to get interested in clothes, and my mom was still dressing me in Italian clothes which looked weird compared to kids dressed in desert boots, sailor pants, surfer shirts and P-coats. I tried desperately to fit in. Not so much for clique companionship as to just not get teased mercilessly.
I found solace in the theater department, where the students drawn to theater design and acting were more original and thought and did things outside of the box, much to my delight. I finally had my little niche. I happily traded in my book bag for a back pack, wore overalls and army boots. Remember this was the late sixties. We felt that we were to first to be different.
Even though I had cronies in the theater dept, I still felt different, unique and worried about if I was crazy. I had visions and hallucinations. I even went to a counselor who told me I had to learn how to "curb my imagination".
I high school I also succumbed to peer pressure to experiment with drugs. I tried pot but didn't like the sensation. But LSD was a different story. LSD in the late sixties was much stronger than what is usually available now. The dosages were not exact and I may have taken more than one dose at one time. I do remember the trip being very spiritual. Which was odd because I had rejected catholicism by age 8 and was a stone cold atheist til my middle thirties ( never mind that I had an intuitive psychic astrologer as my main counselor since the age of 20, I was in California by then and almost everyone I knew went to one ). During the peak of my acid trip I experienced the beauty and wonder of everything being connected to everything else. Sound familiar?
Let's just say that that event changed me evermore. Not so much spiritually, but in every way of perceiving reality and the universe. I knew there was more than met the eye. I had always had a sense of this, but this chemical mind expanding session gave me validation for it. This drug was a powerful tool for me and I only did it a few times. I was still different than most of my peers, yet now was becoming less insecure about it. In fact I started to wear it like a badge. I have lived in eclectic fashion ever since. I decided that if I was insane, I was still healthy because I could live a good life in spite of it.
I rejected going to college after high school. I traveled in Europe, worked for a year then went for another six months around Europe. I was one of 4 out of 150 students from my class that did not go right off to college after high school graduation. Most of the kids at my high school went to Harvard, Stanford, Yale, U of C Berkeley.
When I was finally ready to go to, I picked a small art school in S. California where I could major in finger painting for pass/fail if I wanted to. I continued studying theater arts, which eventually led to technical film work. I worked in sets and props on motion pictures for 15 years.
I still had problems with rage, set off primarily when I was not listened to.I had a reputation for being good at my work but very emotional on the job. I could see all sides of a conflict, and was very intolerant of idiotic decisions and behaviors ( usually perpetrated by the film^Òs producers ). By the early 1990's , the city I lived in, Los Angeles, California, was filling up with lots of angry people. I felt that rage almost tangibly ( The revolution in 1992 where the Rodney King incident was the catalyst and half the town was burned down was the culmination of this collective rage). The vortex for manifesting there became negative. It truly seemed to be becoming the City of the Fallen Angels.
I packed it in in the early 90's and moved to a smallish city in the Sonoran Desert of Arizona to detox and learn how to create peace from within. I haven't looked back since.
When I started doing intense research on spirituality a few years ago, I began to resonate with the information on the Indigos. I have found much comfort in the information I've been getting as so many of my struggles and alienation in the past are now starting to make sense in this context.
I can truly go back and take the emotional charge off of those painful situations in my past, release the baggage and move forward, onto new creative endeavors and to be of better service to my fellow beings who desire self-empowerment and expansion of consciousness.
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