I was born Feb. 11th 1971. A definite Aquarius. My father was in Vietnam so it was just my mother and I for several months. For as long as I can remember I have been overly sensitive. As a child I would cry over everything. Usually not crying over what was immediate but thinking of a string of possible consequences made me cry. I have also been very sexual for as long as I can remember. My mom says, this is no lie, that before I could walk I would rub myself on the carpet and pant and get all worked up. (That masturbation thing has never stopped.) Do it everyday. Some days when I have really good sex I don't do it but some days it makes me do it more. Although I didn't like my mom for a long time, I now know she handled the situation well. She told me that while I really liked that some people did not approve and I should try to keep it private.
As I grew, mom kept having babies. Four of us in five years. We also got horribly abused. Sometimes it was the alcohol, sometimes the flashbacks, whatever. As I was getting beaten though I would sort of leave my body. It wasn't me who was getting hit. I was extremely intelligent. Was supposed to skip three grades but thank god my mom said no way, due to my emotional development. I began to take the beatings for my siblings as well, protecting them the best I could.
When I was seven we left. Things got a little better but my newly divorced mom was having the time of her life. Going out all the time, leaving me to take care of the kids. I became so wise. Lying to the cops, teachers, whoever I needed to in order to survive. My mom had a best friend who I grew very close to and she really helped me. But then she moved away.
At the age of thirteen I was raped by our school football coach. He told me just spread your legs and it won't hurt. The cops showed up just as he entered me. He was told to pay a fine and leave the state. Before he left he told the team what that little whore did to him. Talk about being popular! I was told by my mother's boyfriend it was my fault. So, I became very promiscuous. Since I already was very sexual this was not a problem. Had over 20 partners by the time I was 18. Then I went to college. Majored in Fine Arts and worked through a lot of things there. During my high school times I had also been forced to give people oral sex. Three people at once. So, I believe I was raped twice.
Many indigos say they were loners, felt different. I fell different but like I had been here before. I felt about 60 when I was a child. I knew things and would talk about things that I had no way of knowing. I was questioning god at the age of five. I was never really a loner though. I do a lot of things alone. Am not afraid to do anything alone but if someone asks to go with me, well hey, that's all the better, and people usually do ask to go with me. After all the baggage I have, I have been engaged three times and am currently married. People just like me. In fact, not to sound arrogant because I am not at all, people love me. When I date people or am with people they can not let go. I have never gotten dumped. I always end up doing the dumping because I begin to get smothered. My freedom seems to be disappearing in long term relationships and I panic. I am like a bird and if I can't spread my wings and fly where I want I get upset, neurotic in fact. I am having this problem currently in my marriage. I thought it was just a maturity thing and that when I got married I was old enough to handle it but after five years I feel like screaming. I feel like my wings have grown to about 12 feet long and are stuck against my body. My husband is a wonderful person but I need to be free.
Lets see, what else? I am extremely anal. Like things lined up and straight but then also like things wild. I am extremely loving, like to have fun, people say I am very funny and fun to be with (another reason they are always around me.) I for the most part love myself and am very comfortable in who I am right now. I have learned that life is too short to worry about what anyone thinks. I do what I do and if people don't like it then they don't have to be around me. I don't believe in hate. I try my best to not waste energy on negative things. It tears you down and no one really cares anyway. I am currently living in Ohio where I am also working on my Masters Degree. I have a little indigo boy which is the first reason I checked out the website. Was surprised to find it more fitting to me than to him. So, that is my bio in a nutshell (a pretty long one, sorry)
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