Five days later my parents took me to live in my first home in Blue Anchor, NJ. I lived there for almost five years and my memories there are as vivid as yesterday. It was an old farmhouse, and there was another old farmhouse across the busy highway. There was the most wonderful elderly couple who let me feed the chickens and walked me home with a bushel of apples for Mom. (Shortly afterward I received my second spanking for crossing that busy highway.) I remember dirt roads behind our home, and watching Thunderstorms and lightning over the fields beside us. There were a few times where I remember chasing "Dirt Devils", little tornado type spinning winds. They were so fun, as they also seemed to chase me! I remember Mom sweeping snakes off of our porch in the morning. My cousin loosing her thumbnail on the slamming screendoor. Sunday School and the songs I sung. Bozo the Clown and my favorite TV commercial... Hawaiian Punch! I even sent away lables for a free Punchy pillow! I didn't understand the Hogans Heroes sitcom, but I liked the beginning song and that Klink with the spectacle glass was funny acting??? Most of all, and strangely enough I remember a reoccuring dream that I would have every morning, and waking up in my crib. My room had two windows. One was a slice of toast with peanut butter on it, and the other was a slice of toast with Jelly on it. They would talk to me and make me laugh. Then all of the sudden, this tinkerbell fairy would come flying in and conk me on the head with her wand and then I'd wake up.
My parents bought their very first house when I was almost five and then we moved to Collings Lakes, South NJ. I remember walking to kindergarden as I had the am classes. I played hooky for the first time, because on the way to school I met another little girl my age who went to the PM classes. I decided to play with her and then go to school later. (This was my third spanking.) During first grade I brought in a snowball and put it in my desk. I don't know why. I also chewed on my pencils and ate the flour, salt and water clay we worked with. (Ooops, forgot to mention, I chewed on my windowsills while in my crib as a kid. Craved paint chips I suppose.)
I got my first black eye from walking into a tree and not looking where I was going. I also lost my first front tooth. During recess the boys were chasing me around the dugout trying to kiss me, I was cornered and ran into the brick wall. I thought it was a rock in my mouth and I spit it out. My tooth was never found but that tooth fairy came to visit and instead of a bonk on the head, she left me a fifty cent piece instead. All was well and happy in MargieMix land. Ice skating, riding a bike for the first time, owning a Collie that acted just like Lassie! Raggedy Ann Bedspread and curtains and a blue record player with lots of cool 45's of kiddie tunes. Daddy still wouldn't admit to biting the head off my Chocholate Easter bunny, but school would be out soon. Mommy on the other hand, well... she was getting really fat.
....to be continued.
Mommy was getting really fat! She finally told me about pregnancy and that I soon would be having a baby brother and sister. I was so happy! Dad, Mom and I all helped bring down my old crib, paint the spare bedroom and decorate it for the new one to arrive. School ended and I was released from first grade and summer vacation was here. The baby was due in July and I was so excited as were all of my friends. I would be able to spend an extra week with my Grandparents while Mommy was in the hospital... but... Hey!! Dad decided that my Grandparents wouldn't take care of me right. He demanded that I stay with his mother, my other divorced Grandmom, who was still raising 6 of 9 children. My Mom argued, and I really didn't care too much where I went. I had an Aunt who was one month older than me, who was my Dad's baby sister. We were good friends and I would have fun playing with her. So off to Grandmoms house I went.
The first few days were fine, but then.... for some reason none of the kids my age wanted to play with me anymore. I would stay inside, watching soap opera's with Grandmom, but soon she would get mad and tell me to go out and play. So I went out. Uncle Ken was cool and so were all of his friends. He was 16 or so and I still 6. The boys would never let any girls over to their fort, because it was top secret. But that afternoon, they invited me to come see it! "Wow! Really!?" I was so excited!! To the boys fort I went. After all, the other kids my age and the girls didn't want to play with me. But those boys sure did! After I entered into their fort, I watched them smoke cigarettes and listen to the radio. They were cool. Then one boy started to kiss me. I felt funny. Giggled even. Shy and blushing, and soon another boy started to kiss me too. I like that. Then I was getting hugged and that felt good too. One boy even touched me on the nipple, and he asked, does that feel good. "It tickles, sort of" I replied. Truth is, it did feel good. Soon my dress was off and then my little Barbie panties and the boys were touching me and kissing me all over. I didn't know this was bad, I didn't know it would feel that good either. Even when one boy kissed me, down there. It tickled and it made me feel like I had to pee. But it was different somehow. Soon, the boys took all their clothes off too. There before me for the first time ever, I noticed the difference between boys and girls. There were penisis of all sizes, shapes and twists. The boys were playing with them and even asked me to touch them. I did. I even kissed one! Then one boy got on top of me and tried to put his penis inside of my woo-woo. It really hurt, and he was frustrated, as he said, "I'm too big for her, I don't want to hurt her." Then another boy got on top. His penis was small, and he spit on it and it hurt still some, but it went in nice and smoothly. He pulled it out really quickly and then all this white stuff shot out of his penis and all over the floor of the fort. He acted like he was in pain and I thought I hurt him. I asked him, and he said, "Not at all sweetheart." Another boy took his turn. His penis was bigger and it hurt some more when he put it in, but just a little. He also squirted white stuff out quickly. Then the first boy.. with the bigger penis, he decided to try again. He did, and he kept pulling it in and out, in and out and it seemed like a whole hour! The other boys were still playing with their penis's and watching, talking, even shared a cigarette. This went on all day long. And later that night after dinner, I was invited back. The next day. The next night. Until finally news came that I had a baby sister and Mom and Dad will be by to pick me up the following day.
That day was different. After all the boys played doctor with me, they sat me down and had a talk with me. They told me that what we have been doing the last few days was very bad. That everyone could get in trouble for it, and even go to jail! That I would be in big trouble too. They made sure that I knew that if I told on them, they would tell on me. I swore that I wouldn't tell. And I went home the next day with my parents and new baby sister. I loved my baby sister! It was just like having a doll, except, this was real!! She was a happy baby, and I loved to watch Mom take care of her. Dad was working longer hours, but he still took time for the new baby and even wanted to spend time with me. He tickled me and hugged me coming home from work one day and sat me on his lap. I suddenly felt really strange, funny even. It was at that moment that I realized that Daddy's had penises too! Dad asked me, "What is the matter." I said, "Nothing." as I jumped off his lap and ran to my room. It was this day, when I no longer gave Daddy a kiss goodnight anymore. I didn't want too. I didn't want to make daddy do something bad and go to jail. I didn't want him to know I did a bad thing either. Mom and Dad thought it was jealousy because of my new little sister. I soon started school in second grade. But I was a different child.
I drew and doodle pictures of mean things. Bloody things. Naked people and men. The teacher would catch me drawing and sent a letter home to my parents with my drawing. They thought that I was hanging with the wrong friends and learned bad things. Little did they know I was drawing and teaching my friends about bad things. I was always getting spanked, and I can't remember why or really what for even to this day. Sometimes, I would just ask a question. And a spanking would happen. Sometimes Dad would try to tickle me and get me to go fishing with him and I'd run away. Soon he was frustrated and would just slap me for being stupid. Then Mommy, told me more about my baby sister. And how she came to be. This was about fourth grade, and I got the Birds and the Bee's story. "Oh my God!" I thought! "I'm pregnant!" I waited, and waited, month after month to start getting fat! I really thought, that sooner or later I would be pregnant and everyone will know what I did years ago!! I have to learn and grow up fast before it happens I thought! I have to be able to get a job, make money and live on my own with this new baby. I spent all my time reading books. Medical books. The encyclopedias. My parents worried and bought me a clarinet. I was tooting and looing like a pro in a few short months. A prodigy the music teacher called me. Soon, I had a flute. A guitar. A organ. I was learning like crazy. Then I started to draw. My art teacher cried out that Prodigy word again! Soon, easels, paints, charcoals and paper were at my disposal. I drew, painted and won prizes all over.
In Junior high, I was a quiet kid. Although in the Honor classes, I was soon sitting by myself doing Algebra, Calculus and Science above my other classmates. Who they classified me as a Smarty nerd. Same with my English and writing classes, that dumb word Prodigy came to light again. I was participating in this National program called, "The Olympics of the mind" and they put me and sent me away to be with other Smarty Nerds all over America. This went on until about/around 8th grade. The time where Jordache Jeans, Levi Cordoroys and Nike Sneaks were in style. Farrah Fawcett hair was in. I woke up one morning, and really looked at myself in the mirror. There I stood. Still not fat or showing my pregnancy yet. Glasses, and my long blond hair always pulled back in a pigtail or pony tail. I didn't own a curling iron and didnt see any need for one until then. Standing sideways and looking into the mirror, I noticed some changes, and my boobies starting to grow. I will be starting my period soon my Mom said. Period, that is what girls get when they hit "child bearing" abilities and age. As I stood and looked at myself, I thought.... here it comes. I will be fat and pregnant soon. ...... to be continued.
(Ed. note - Margie hasn't written any more yet, but I did receive this letter from her which makes me think maybe she'll still finish it. I hope she will. I will encourage her to do that.)
Dear Wendy, Yes, you may publish Part Two along with Part One. You may use the name Margie Nelson. I no longer belong to the Indigo discussion group and didn't finish my "Bio" as there also should be a Part 3 (12-18) years of age, a Part 4 (18-30) and now a present part 5. (Putting all the pieces together.) Writing even Part 1 and Part 2 was very rough on my emotions. It was very therapuetic as I enabled myself to obtain an order of occurances that lead to my present state. My present state of awareness is so detailed and vast it has overwhelmed me at times, and I must break from my own ego to obtain sanity. I do believe the rest of my Bio should be completed as it will show how a child grows up in this nature. How I coped alone, with no adults that understood. How I became a young lady who still dealt with these many gifts. To now... a Thirty something charm. It's been a rough road. Painful to share. But I feel it must be out there.
Toot a Loo! =Mix)
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