My name is Jessica, I am 22 and live in New Jersey, central shore.
I was born scared, I felt it was a cold world. I learned early on that my thoughts and ideas were not as they should be, they were odd and received poor reactions, but I loved my ideas, my thoughts, my words. I turned inward early. Around four I stopped interacting with the world unless it was absolutely necessary, or if it was with someone I completely trusted. I had what they now coin social anxiety disorder, and that stayed with me until I was around 13. I have been in and out of slight to severe depression from childhood until about a year ago. I am perfectly fine and happy now and hope to stay that way.
For my whole life, the most significant experiences I've had are thoughts and moments within myself. I now have perfectly normal relations with family and friends and more assertive and outspoken than most. If I can do or say something better than someone else, which is a good deal of the time, I do it and I am respected. Life outside the shell is all right, fairly satisfying, but incomplete. It is missing a huge, crucial aspect that would make living wonderful. Of course I have no idea what that aspect is, I just feel it.
I have no major psychic gifts or experiences to speak of, and I am bright, but not brilliant. I have trouble listening to people, in classes or conversation, I tune them out often for it is far more interesting in my 'head' and I sure do get into trouble with the successful business woman remembers people's names issue. What I can do is understand people. It doesn't take long before I understand what makes a person 'tick', how and why they think like they do. The reverse is not true, and I would be thrilled to find someone who wasn't confused by my behavior and thoughts. My friends often come to me for advice because I can tell them the underlying solution to their problems. They get excited about what I have to say and then rarely follow through and help improve their lives. They prefer to stay stuck in their ruts, while I love constant improvement and change. I am saddened by their ability yet reluctance to change.
I have recently graduated from college and am looking for a job in NYC. I have a strong interest in spirituality and try to expand my knowledge in that area. I hope that I find a way to put my life to good use. I feel I was sent here to do something and I am driven to do it. I love my life, I would never ever want to end it prematurely, but I know that once I have accomplished my life's purposes (whatever they may be) and have lived this life naturally to it's end, I will be happy with my years and more than happy to leave this place.
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