Hi, my name is Jamie and I am 18 years old. I am a freshman in college and will be a sophomore next semester because I came into college with 18 hours of credit, due to high scores on standardized AP tests. 21 hours really, I guess, but I didn't claim it all :) I've always felt different from other people somehow, and I have a lot of the traits described on your "Indigo List."
When I was young, I was very developmentally advanced. My parents decided to teach me phonics and I could read when I was 2-3 years old. Having friends describe learning how to read things in school still baffles me, I don't have memories of not being able to read things. Today I can read books very quickly and can absorb 2 400-page paperbacks if I have all day to read. I definitely had a stubborn streak when it came to authority, one time I even reported my elementary school math teacher to the principal for doing something I thought was unethical...I always got the sense when I was younger that my point of view, while being correct a great deal of the time, was often discounted due to my age.
Luckily, my parents always treated me like an adult, although later in my life they began to wonder if that was a mistake. ;) They were very encouraging of my academic interests, but didn't really know what to make of my emotional sensitivity...I always cried a lot, past the point where most kids stop crying about things. I cried in middle school, in high school, and if my roommate keeps driving me nuts, well...*sigh* I could just never understand why people were so hurtful and jealous, i just "knew" things, that's all. I was sensitive to other people's problems and would do almost anything to help them. I was introspective, and played alone a lot with dolls and imaginary friends. I still catch myself daydreaming all the time. I would have dreams of things that would later happen, nothing terribly important, just moments in my life as mundane as eating in the cafeteria...to waiting in line for the bathroom.
Being naturally interested in science fiction and the paranormal, I guess I assumed that being a "psychic" or "gifted" would be cooler than that, and so I was a bit disappointed. This has happened less as I have grown older, but I still look forward to my occasional lucid dreams. I never told anyone (not even my parents) about my dreams when I was little, until I got older and told some close friends. I also learned (not such a good thing) to tell white lies when people didn't want to hear the truth. Now I'm finally being honest again, and it is such a wonderful feeling :) I've heard the term "be more emotionally mature" a lot. I was often able to ask questions the teacher wasn't able to answer, and had a very active imagination. I remember the other kids, especially the other girls, calling me "different" and "weird" and making fun of me. I was definitely a lot meaner to my parents than my teachers! I would throw tantrums and cry when I saw disturbing images in movies and televison. Today, I still have anxiety about driving because we were shown this awful video in Driver's Ed with graphic crash footage. The only reason I think I didn't have very many disciplinary problems was because I was lost in books all of the time and taught myself to ignore the outside world.I remember a certain time, in class, when the other kids were bragging about being able to read "chapter books" and I was forced to shyly hold up one of my multiple 300-page ST:TNG paperbacks.
I felt awkward and alienated because of my advanced level and tried to "dumb myself down" to cope. Still, I would tell jokes no one but adults could get, and didn't know the latest styles, fads, or music groups. I eventually became very withdrawn and depressed. In middle school I talked little, and cried a lot. People were becoming more spiteful towards me, and each other, and I never knew what anyone did to incur such hateful feelings. My interests shifted towards art and music, which were great outlets for my creativity. I practiced little but was able to get by with far more better results than I ever put in, even making it into the top band for two years in high school. I started to experience crippling anxiety in the last two years of high school, and I also became more disenterested in academics. I focused on my art classes and "slid by" with the rest.
All my acqaintances are becoming lawyers, doctors, etc...but I've always held the belief that a career is not key to a good life. Right now, I'm a relatively unambitious Studio Art major. Last week I came to the realization that all people are beautiful, my Life drawing class helped spur this realization. We draw nudes of all shapes and sizes, some are even blind and come in with their wonderful, sweet guide dogs. It's amazing how dogs choose to help humans, this shows animals' capacity for infinite love, I think. And I realized that their physical form didn't matter to me at all...it was their spirit I saw the most. I am beginning to think that college is a wonderful time to explore this side of myself. Thank you for having this wonderful website to share resources with the entire world!
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