Adult Indigo Bio - Grace
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I have just been introduced to the term Indigo Children by a close friend of mine. Am now very suspecting that I was an Indigo Child, and that I am presently an Indigo Adult. I am 43 with children of my own, 3 daughters 19, 17 & 15 - one if not all indigo children. My characteristics as an adult:
Highly intelligent Extremely impatient, but sometimes extremely focussed to the point of obsession. Family of origin and ex-husband think I am 'mad', labelled me 'depressed', 'uncommunicative', 'un-co-operative', 'insane', 'bolshy', won't discuss things', 'stubborn, won't compromise', 'vague', 'airy-fairy', 'out of touch', 'selfish', 'too independent', 'angry'; ' too demanding', 'impossibly high standards' etc.
However when I was a child I was labelled, 'quiet, shy, introverted'. I was musical, intelligent, loved maths, physics, music and found languages at school easy, and was very gifted in improvised dance on stage. When I went into Acting however as an adult, I was ridiculed, mocked and criticised by family. In fact when I went into anything creative as an adult, singing or dance lessons, I was labelled 'extremely selfish', 'uncaring about other people', and 'too independent'.
Creative passionate endeavours to me seem the most USEFUL. Also anything that is helping to see their range of choices, or helping them see how they contribute to their own state (ie increasing personal authority & self-directedness & responsibility, hence freedom). Also seers and prophets are very important for people these days. To give comfort and guidance, and bring the truths down to a personal level for people.
Recently am given to panic attacks when people lie to me or hide things from me that I know are true, because of the insult it logically means to me as a person. It fills me with disgust and even horror, yes horror. I don't quite understand why my reactions are so vehement. Also lack of logicality, and lack of conscious thought behind action strike me as stupid beyond comprehension. I frequently find the behaviour of my family and even of most people incomprehensible.
Is also very important to me to be honest, express something as wholistically and honestly as I can, including choosing the exact appropriate word at the right time.
However I notice my expression is not always grammatical, and sometimes I can't speak very quickly because so many dimensions of knowledge or something are being accessed prior to my speaking. It makes me feel like a moron by conventional standards, but I rather being true to my heart.
Also am developing an extreme intolerance to generalized television programs - popular culture. Mostly it is even disagreeable to access the internet because the connections are too SLOW for my brain. Sometimes the vibrations from conventional stereos, television, and most internet sites, and from my computer are almost TOXIC to me. My body gets overloaded with useless stuff, and I feel really off-centre, off-balance, fragmented & shattered. Because it is antithesis to Nature.
Nature, animals and children are 'home' for me. Give me the healing, soothing, sane vibrations I need. The traditional world of adults is increasingly foreign and alien and insane to me.
Institutions, including my youngest daughter's school, completely infuriate me beyond my ability to remain calm or 'sensible'. Rage. It is easier to cut them out of my life, shut off.
Also I CAN'T see why the politicians and other (predominantly male white 40somethings+) can't get it together! I can't see how THEY can't see, that the things they do make the situation, whatever it is, worse. Like they have instinct only for self-destruction. CONSISTENTLY. What's worse is that they take so many innocent people down with them, and that makes me ANGRY.
I also am so finely tuned to others' vibrations that I get overwhelmed with their karma, or knowledge of their past life stuff, or early history, that I get depressed. So much information comes to me that I can't sort it all out for days sometimes. Even very negative people, I feel no negative feelings towards them! I feel compassion only even towards my family that have done nothing but go behind my back and lie to me and try to 'corrupt' my children out of their knowingness, even my family, I feel nothing but compassion towards them. However, I still have to process their negativity & all the causes behind that, and it gets more than my nervous system can handle sometimes.
I also have an intense feeling that my destiny is of vital importance. Almost that following my destiny and fulfilling my mission is a matter of life and death. That I came here to do something vital, and I would give my life rather than not do it. When I get forced to compromise or sit through things that are a complete waste of useful time, it is almost more than I can bear!
I have been very fortunate to have discovered an indigo role-model the last 15 years. I don't think I would have made it through without that. And then two indigo adult friends in 1997 & in 1999. Also my children are more like siblings than offspring. Often I am mistaken for their sister. When they were younger (around 8.9 yrs) they told me many things about astral travelling and other planets, and I sensed then that I had been the same as a child, except my mother made me believe the knowledge was either stupid, insane or dangerous. Somehow my mother succeeded in making me terrified of speaking. She gagged or silenced my heart and everything that I was. It was so obvious to me as a mother, that my children were talking sense, and profound sense at that. It was intelligent, magical, hopeful, beautiful and whole, the 'information' that came from them. As teenagers they seem to have forgotten almost everything, and my parents & ex-husband have made every attempt to seduce them into materialism, hopelessness & lack of self-sense. I battle on against criticisms that I am 'weird.
I love colours to the point of obsession. They are like people to me, conscious, alive and beautiful. I also love sex, but have trouble finding any male partner who can appreciate the multi-colouredness of it, or the profound spiritual & mental dimension of it. I feel completely content on my own though, however I am also completely open to a wonderful new partner. Often I am asked how come I am not 'afraid' to travel oversees alone. I don't even understand the question.
So although I was never diagnosed 'ADD', I was diagnosed 'depressed', and had that interpreted by my family of origin to mean 'mentally unstable', 'sick', 'weird, 'insane'. My husband walked out on me when the children were still all young because he wanted to shame me into submitting to being controlled or owned by him or my parents. He worked with my parents & brother to isolate & label me. All the while my brother said things like, 'it will serve you right to get some of your own medicine'. My parents who are wealthy allowed my husband to deprive me and the children from money we required to survive physically at every opportunity. My husband was reasonably well off too due to post graduate study he'd undertaken while I raised the children. Even deserted and alienated and financially deprived, I did not hate or feel regret/self-doubt.
Perhaps in the end my girls are better off with an indigo adult parent alone, as they are very gifted individuals themselves.
I started this email listing my characteristics, not altogether sure whether they were those of an indigo adult. I think the reality of indigo children/adults however explains everything about my life experience in this body so far. I now feel a little clearer about who I am. Thank you for reading this!